I think the universe hates me...

This will be a very brief post as typing is very difficult with one hand.... yesterday I fell downstairs, was holding on to a high banister/ railing that goes along the top of the stairs, slipped and gripped to try to save myself and totally wrenched my shoulder.  When I landed, on my bum 2 stairs down, my arm was stuck in the air and my mum had to lower it for me.  In short I have a suspected torn rotator cuff, an MRI appointment tomorrow, orthopaedic appointment on Monday and am really really hoping it's not going to need surgery.  The pain is very bad and had me squealing and crying with any movement earlier tonight.  The timing is awful - I fly home a week on Sunday, I have lots to do - none of which is getting done at the moment as I really need the use of both arms for most things...And sitting in the car in a small space and going over bumps was dreadful today; the thought of a transatlantic flight is not a pleasant one.  So I am hoping for some sort of miracle and speedy recovery over the next few days otherwise I have no idea what my plan is.


And, of course, Lyme-wise I'm feeling a bit better again, typical! New antibiotics really seem to be helping and I am feeling as if I'm on an upward slope again at the moment.  I really do think the universe hates me.... can't it all just be good for a while?!

New Antibiotics... third time lucky?

Yesterday I started my third - and hopefully final - type of antibiotic.  I am now taking azithromycin, a newer drug related to the one I have just stopped.  This one is stronger and has more bio-availability (see the things you have to learn and understand when your Mum's a pharmacist and goes to Dr appointments with you... I'd rather learn it than sit in the appointment and have everything pass over my head... although it still does that sometimes!)  Anyway... basically that means I get the same, or better, abx action from only one dose a day.  This is very pleasing to me - no more eating at midnight and 6am... just one tablet, at dinnertime. Easy.  So hopefully that will really help my stomach and prevent it getting irritated again.  The newer drug has fewer gastrointestinal side effects too so that should all help.


So I started taking it yesterday and then last night my legs got sore and I started feeling sick again.  Reactions I have experienced on abx and herbal abx and I associate with herx reactions.  Today I felt sick most of the day, managed to go out with the use of anti-nausea tablets but eating, even when I felt hungry, made me feel nauseous again.  I hope this is just a temporary thing... I have finally got my weight at a number I am happy with.  I really don't want to lose more weight again because I can't eat.... I am 18 pounds heavier than I was a year ago and my size 0 clothes are all fitting me very nicely right now!


There was a bit of a debate over whether or not I should go back on abx now.  If I wasn't planning to go home in the summer and go back to uni it is likely I would have waited another couple of months as my Dr suggested, although he realises my circumstances are a little unusual.  I decided I would much rather make sure I'm as well as I can be when I start my PhD in September rather than messing about with abx again then. He understands this and is happy for me to do that just now and then we will re-evaluate when I see him again when I come over to visit my parents at xmas.


So now that I seem to be having herx-type reactions again I feel quite glad that I have started them because the fear is always that if the Lyme infection is still there, it will gain strength and some work will have to be repeated to get rid of it.  I was afraid waiting another couple of months might take me back too many steps again so in a way the herx reactions make me think this is the right decision - that the abx are getting to work right away and there is (unfortunately) stuff for them to do.  There is really no way to know though.... so frustrating.


Anyway, I also have new sleeping tablets and they seem to be working.  It is just before 1am and I can feel myself dropping off, so I'm going to take advantage of that! Hope I get a good night's sleep!


"To sleep, perchance to dream....."

Fix you

After Mark (markintheparkblogs) commented on one of my previous posts I had a look on his blog.  I am always interested in other people's stories, especially Lyme-related ones, but also ones that refer to other "invisible illnesses".  I think there is a lot of comfort in finding other people who have similar experiences and I especially like reading about people who are winning their own personal battles - nothing like a little motivation and inspiration.


In one of Mark's blog posts he talks about awareness (not of Lyme) and has posted a video of Coldplay's "Fix you" to illustrate his point.  This is a highly emotional song and I had not paid such close attention to the lyrics before, but they rang so true with me in so many ways.  I have heard the song before though and remembered it was used in a particularly emotional (read: me bawling at the TV) dance on So You Think You Can Dance last year.  The video is here:

There is a fuller excerpt from the TV show here but I couldn't seem to find that video to insert.


The lyrics can be seen here:

I think the song and the lyrics really capture the frustration of feeling like you would like to be able to do something but you can't.  Whether it is fixing yourself, or someone else, or knowing that there are people who would like to be able to fix you, the song seems to speak to everyone.


And watching the SYTYCD video just makes me excited for the new season.  I watched the first episode a few days ago....... the auditions are definitely NOT my favourite part of the show but it means the good bit will be here soon.  And while I wait for that I can enjoy some highlights of past seasons on YouTube.


Some of my very favourite performances:

And leaving it on a cheerful note:

Can't wait until I can dance like that again!