First things first. NOTHING can beat a good day of shopping. Seriously, retail therapy can really cheer you up, make you momentarily forget that you have any kind of problems that this absolutely beautiful bright pink leather bag cannot solve. It's so pink.. such a happy colour, of course I'm going to be happy using that bag... Sold! And this dress. Oooooh. Pretty maxi dress. On sale! Even better, Big smiles. No problems.... well except that I can't try it on because that's way too complicated so I'll just kind of tie it to myself on top of my clothes (are people looking... oops). Yup, looks like it'll fit. I do, of course, carry it half way around Bloomingdales draped over my (good) shoulder to free up my hand to examine every other thing that might be better than this one but the dress wins. It is pretty perfect and I get a further discount too - sold! Happy shopper.
So that was today. Definitely relished the retail therapy - and with no guilt attached, I still had some gift cards and money from my birthday to spend. Apart from the shopping, Mum and I had a lovely, very relaxed day browsing the mall and having dinner out - a really tasty brushetta pizza with balsamic pesto and arugula and a chicken, strawberry & goat's cheese salad in Nordstrom Cafe.
Aside from the retail therapy, there really was the Day Out of the House therapy too!! After last week, it was very much needed.
Last Tuesday I was being good and doing my exercises at home when it felt like something ripped underneath my scapula. I collapsed in tears and couldn't stop sobbing. I did not know what had happened nor did Mum but she was very quickly getting my percocet, muscle relaxants and anti-nauseas thrown down my throat and getting me back on to my ice machine. And that is where I stayed until bed time (more drugs) and then I slept.
At physio the next day I explained what had happened, it was still incredibly sore and I didn't really know what was going on with it. About a quarter of the way into the session I tried to do some of my normal exercises and I collapsed on the bed crying... again. I just couldn't do it. Angelo gave me extra ice and STEM time and said I had to rest for a couple of days.
I rested and iced and did some very small exercises very carefully over the weekend. (Although I still cried a bit.) On Monday, Angelo spoke to Aaron in Kentucky who is my contact there. Aaron said that it definitely sounds as if I broke up a good amount of scar tissue. He said it happens, it can be horrendously painful. He told Angelo that when that happens, at this point, their main concerns are their patients' mental states!! (Yes. Admittedly, I was going a bit crazy.... please tell me I've not done more damage... please tell me I haven't broken it..... waaaahhhh!!) Their conversation was a good one. It was very reassuring to hear that I have broken up scar tissue, that they see it happen in other patients too, it is an incredibly painful thing to deal with, but in the long run, it is good to free it up for potential movement.
Aaron also told Angelo that my bone pain is still normal at this stage too. Angelo felt that in his experience most surgeries involving bone would not cause the pain I still have. But Aaron said that with the amount of drilling I had done to my bone, they expect the pain to be around up until 16 weeks. Plus, they've never done the surgery on a fractured scapula before, so that might change things. I'm at 12 weeks now. It would not surprise me if those goalposts move again when I get to 16 weeks!! Every time they've said, the pain will be bad for 48 hours, then, the pain will be bad for 3-4 weeks; then, the pain will be bad up to 8 weeks; then to 12 weeks; now to 16 weeks; then...?? It does get a little less each time, but it is still close to unbearable at various times.
The past couple of days things have begun to calm down after last week. Apparently scar tissue has a lot of nerve endings and they don't really like being ripped apart inside the body so they.... ummm, protest a lot. Basically I felt like my shoulder was on fire but it is calming down and hopefully I can take a step forward again this week.
I also saw my Lyme doctor this week as I've had a resurgence of Lyme symptoms since my surgery which is pretty common, apparently. Basically if the bugs are still there, they're still going to attack and a weak body is like hunting season for spirochetes! For the next two weeks I have doubled my abx doses and increased my herbal anti-microbial doses and then in two weeks I go back to Dr S and he is going to add in another abx. I do feel better that we can attack this aggressively, but I know the side effects of the drugs and the herx reactions produced by killing the spirochetes will probably make me feel even worse before I get better.However, it has to be done and I will get through it. Especially with some more retail therapy I think.... ;-)
I think this quote will have meaning for lots of you, I really think it's spot on.