June saw those plans being put into place, so here is an overview. Of course, I have more details, but I'm trying not to post a novel here, so details to follow.... I can definitely say that, despite the hellish processes, things are overall more positive than they have felt for a long time. There is still a long way to go to reach that light at the end of the tunnel, but it's been turned back on again. I have a supportive medical team around me - PLANS(!) - and I feel there is hope again. And that is probably the best thing I could hope to say and feel right now.
This is the easy one, so I'll start here. In short, I still need a LOT of one-to-one, careful, 'active-assisted motion' physiotherapy (or 'physical therapy' - since I'm back in the land of American English).
Since I arrived in the US, I've seen my specialist scapular PT; my nerve-ortho's physician's assistant (he mainly sees patients for procedures / pre-surgical appointments; his PA is fab); and seeing my regular physio a few times a week, I would say physio is going well.
'Well' being relative to my entire injury; 'well' is nowhere close to 'functional' yet. 'Well' is tolerating careful, gentle exercises, focusing still on increasing neuromuscular pathways and increasing movement and strength without increasing pain. It's a fine line. It's an incredibly difficult balance to find, but all things considered, 6 years on from my fall, I can finally say progress appears to be taking some (very tiny) steps in the right direction.
|PT motivation required!|
(some honest days!)
(mainly because they didn't have 'cap & sunglasses'!)
I think they help!
2. Lyme relapse: PICC line & IV antibiotics
It was a unanimous decision (Dr, me, & my mum - all prior to any discussion) to address my Lyme symptoms as aggressively as possible, with IV antibiotics for the first time. My symptoms have drastically increased and I have majorly relapsed - I would say I feel as bad as when I first started Lyme treatment. IV is the way to hit the infection the hardest - in combo with some other meds.
My response to the first week of treatment 100% confirmed it's been the right decision. There is also a possibility a resurgence of infection may be a contributing factor to my shoulder/ upper body pain (borrelia bacteria like scar tissue.... I have a whole load of that). This also means certain other therapies - in particular, aquatherapy, for my shoulder, have to wait since the PICC line has to be protected (kept clean, dry, no massive weight-lifting etc.... ha ha) to avoid any risk of infection. Some things are just impossible to do at the same time.
It makes more sense to focus on healing my entire body, and hopefully reduce some pain levels/ pain in specific areas first. This means - in the PLAN - I *should* potentially remove a huge stress on my body, and be able to battle 'just' the shoulder issues instead of my body fighting battles on too many fronts. If it does reduce pain that will be a major bonus.
I continue to see my (awesome) physio three times a week and we work on making my muscles work individually, and gently strengthening them - that's way more intensive than it sounds! So while I can continue very specific shoulder work, the two things are inextricably linked. I'm trying to keep things as balanced as I can - physio is essential, but recovering from this Lyme relapse will hopefully make everything easier (used relatively!).
I won't lie, this is hard. On physio days, I wake up and so many times I have thought 'I can't go today.... I could cancel...' - but I grab one of those damn T-shirts and I go. And I survive, even if I do often fall asleep afterwards...
And.... to the PICC line. I think, right now this is easier to summarise in these photos:
|PICC line explanation|
My first week with my PICC is below, in a photo collage - going with 'the picture is worth a thousand words' thing. And, yes, my bruises are absolutely worth documenting because I don't actually bruise that easily & having the line placed was not fun! The doctor told me my veins were "uncooperative" and apparently I have "small veins". I did however take more offence at being told my muscle was small..... of course I just couldn't stop myself - "I used to be strong.... I was an acrobat... I used to lift PEOPLE!" Priorities.
When a doctor apologises several times during a procedure, and again afterwards, explaining it "shouldn't have taken that long" - and his PAs/nurses begin to feel like they're becoming cheerleaders, repeating, "you're doing SO well... SO well..." I really don't think it has the desired effect! Honestly, it wasn't really that bad (once it was over!), it just definitely was 'more' than I expected. But - it's in, the port is sewn to my skin (black stitches through the holes on the purple bit); and this should mean it's there to stay for as long as I need it. Fingers crossed!
I have way more to say about that, but I think this works for an overview:
|PICC line: week one|
(There is a clear plaster over the insertion area so it can be monitored.)
* I wrote most of this a few weeks ago - it needed some editing, but it does pretty much sum up June. However, here's my most recent additional comments a few weeks into this treatment.
IV antibiotic treatment (in combo with other stuff) is now heading into week 5. It really does require an entire post. I'm just adding a little up-to-the-minute update because I am not exactly in super-efficient mode with all this! (Whatever the total opposite is - that's me, except with lists because apparently some part of my brain still thinks I might actually accomplish multiple things a day if I write them down. I consider it living in hope....! However, I have come to terms with the fact that the lists are more 'hope-to' lists than regular 'to-do' lists. Mostly.)
Briefly, after a few more weeks, I still feel strongly that the IV antibiotics have been the best decision / option for right now. This is confirmed by the fact that my symptoms have been exacerbated in (horrid) ways I absolutely did not anticipate and I am well and truly floored by this treatment. It is hard..... It is harder than anything I have ever done before (re. Lyme treatments) - and I really thought I had 'been there, done that & (literally) got the Lyme T-shirt'. Ultimately, this hopefully means I am attacking things in a far deeper way than I ever have before. So, it continues. It is a strange relief to realise many seemingly disparate things fit together; but it is too overwhelming to look at the big picture right now. I am very much surviving one day at a time - and hopefully each day that means I am taking a step closer to where I want to be.
An old favourite seems perfectly fitting:
"That which does not kill you makes you stronger"
~ Nietzsche ~
~ Nietzsche ~