Fundraiser | Love Your Brain | Inverted Perspective

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that we aim too high and we miss it, but that we aim too low and we reach it.”

   ~ Michelangelo

For various reasons, it has been a long time since I have posted anything on my blog.  For a long time, I was unable to use screens due to a TBI (traumatic brain injury) I sustained in 2019, following an earlier concussion in December 2015, when my car tyre blew out.  This also caused a major Lyme relapse.  I completed Lyme treatments (2017-19) & I’m currently in remission with no Lyme symptoms, but some lingering fatigue remains.  

Throughout, I continued my shoulder rehab (watch this space, I have more to say!); I also had neuro rehab for my TBI from 2019, as well as PT treatment for my neck & jaw.

Eventually, after finding an incredible surgeon, who promised he would try to find a solution, in August 2021 (as I’ve documented on social media) I had ACDF surgery - anterior cervical discectomy & fusion (C4-C6) - to stop the discs compressing my spinal cord in my neck & to remove instability.

It’s been a hell of a decade: challenges, hard work, progress… repeat.

(Photos below.)

The quote at the top of this post is one that I have really focused on during these difficult few years.  It continues to resonate with me in everything I do.  In the past few years, mindfulness, meditation, & yoga have all played key roles in shaping my journey.  I am now hoping to continue this path by completing qualifications that will help me offer these supportive tools to others.  I’m fundraising for Love Your Brain, the organisation which offers support to people with brain injuries as well as training courses (more below).

If you know me, or have read any part of my blog, you will know that determination is just in me.  Sometimes I’m not entirely sure where it comes from - but it’s there, shoving me onwards, despite my conscious (sane, rational) brain protesting at times.  It’s not been an easy journey, & I continue on this winding path of rehab, recovery, and healing, but I have never stopped aiming high - and it has been worth every crazy moment; every effort to keep moving forward; and every annoying insistence to medics focused on ‘acceptance’ that I would not stop looking for ways to continue to improve.

There’s a lot I could - & will - write moving forward, but I am returning to my blog as my health improves enough for me to return to life and (surprise!) I decided to start by throwing myself in at the deep end…

As part of my treatment, and understanding how to live with a brain injury, I completed two Love Your Brain Yoga, Mindfulness, & Meditation courses run by Love Your Brain, a charity founded by US Olympic Snowboarder Kevin Pearce after he sustained career-ending TBIs. 

All classes are free for people living with brain injuries - including those caused by Lyme Disease.  My worlds collided in those courses.  

These classes, and the tools and skills I learned, and continue to develop, have helped me with all the health challenges I have face, and those I still live with.

Looking back several years to this post: Meditation Failure, I would never have believed where this would all take me!

My perspective has changed in many ways.  

Follow my journey @inverted__perspective on Instagram.

Diving in

Last week I made a last-minute decision to apply for a Love Your Brain Mindset course.  After completion, I will (hopefully!) be qualified to help provide the same valuable tools and support to others as I was fortunate enough to receive at a critical time.  I am also hoping to complete a LYB Yoga Teacher for TBI course in June. 

I applied to the LYB Mindset course last Tuesday, was accepted on Wednesday, started on Thursday, and have since completed 6 modules!

I've been awarded a partial scholarship for the cost of this course and I'm aiming to raise £525 ($675) to cover fees for both courses.

All funds raised will go to LYB.

If you can support me, & Love Your Brain, in any way - donations &/ or sharing my post, blog, or fundraiser link - it would be greatly appreciated.

My GoFundMe page is here: Love Your Brain Fundraiser

Fundraising aim: £530 ($675)  

All money raised will go to the Love Your Brain Foundation to support the amazing work they do around the world - in classes & online - to support people with brain injuries.

(N.B. GoFundMe automatically adds a 'tip' of 15% to your donation. This money goes to GoFundME. It is optional & you can select to opt out.)

You can read about this amazing organisation here: https://www.loveyourbrain.com/

As an extra thank you, I will enter all donors into a random name generator to pick one winner for this handmade ( - by me: gfmjewellery) Swarovski crystal, pearl, & semi-precious gemstones wrap bracelet. 

If I exceed my target, and raise extra money for LYB, I will offer a second prize draw for a custom piece of jewellery - to be completed after the course ends!

My fundraiser is now live and will run until Saturday April 16th (midnight UK time; 7pm US Eastern).

The winner will be selected via a random generator & announced on Sunday April 17th.

As for further updates, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here are a few snapshots of my journey to date - and I promise more blog posts coming soon!   

As always, I’ll end with a quote: 

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

   ~  Socrates

Peace, tranquility & harmony

Today's teabag is something we all crave (well I certainly do!).  It's something that we should all make time for - even for just a moment, to sit, relax and contemplate everything and nothing all at once.   It seems perfectly accompanied by some soothing photos and few words. Have a peaceful day :-)

http://www.yogiproducts.com

Things that bring me peace, tranquility & harmony:

One of my favourite pieces of art - my Dad brought it back from Barcelona for me a few years ago, and it is framed in my bedroom where I can lie in bed and lose myself in it, imagining the beautiful absurdity of playing a grand piano in a hay field.

Memories of perhaps the most peaceful, tranquil place I have been: 

Seven Mile Beach on Grand Cayman

The idea we are just tiny specks of stardust, floating around the universe, temporarily inhabiting a conscious body.  This reminds me of one of my favourite books, 'Sophie's World' by Jostein Gaarder - at one point he writes, "We are all made of star dust." This thought soothes me, and this image illustrates the idea perfectly.

What brings you peace, tranquility & harmony?  It's the weekend.... take a moment.....

“It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.”

  ~ Henry David Thoreau

Meditation Failure

I can't believe it's halfway through June! The last few weeks have been rather eventful, shoulder-wise.  I keep thinking about writing a blog post and then I really don't know where to stop or start... I'll try to update a bit soon... lots happening though, some not so good stuff for a while, so I am trying some new things.  One is seeing a chiropractor, Dr J - as it seems one of my ribs has been out of place and causing a lot of my pain.  The adjustments are temporarily agony - but just for a split second, and afterwards it does help my pain... also only temporarily though....it's complicated, so perhaps a post on that will come later.  Dr J also has a heated hydrotherapy massage bed, which is my new favourite thing since my new acupuncturist has recommended I stop using my ice machine... which I was seriously addicted to - and made no secret of that.  I feel a little like an alcoholic counting how many days without alcohol - it's been 13 days without ice now......

Dr J has also tried me on "guided meditation".  I told him I would be terrible at this, but I am trying everything and anything thrown at me so here is how the first 22 minute session went: 

(I have noise cancelling headphones on through which the 'calming' voices play and my eyes are closed, but with dark glasses on which flash coloured lights at different times.)

"Imagine you're on a beach"

Ok, favourite beach I've ever been to.. hmmm... I liked a couple in Australia a lot (played them through my head) decided they hadn't been that hot when I was there so went through a couple in Florida, then decided Grand Cayman was definitely my favourite, ok, I am lying on seven mile beach in Cayman... oops, missed what I'm supposed to do next...

"Imagine you are meeting your future self, 5, 10, 15 years from now"

Wtf? I'm supposed to be dealing with things on a day to day basis here - that's what everyone has been telling me ALL year.....one day at a time....  I can't imagine that....*panic!*...  missed that next bit....

"Imagine where you live, what kind of car you have....."

How is this meditation? Isn't that a bit superficial... I actually don't care about cars.... why should that matter? Oops.... missed another bit...

".... imagine walking into your hallway"

Ok, I can do this, I'd like a glass atrium with tropical plants.... a big palm tree, maybe a banana tree....it would be so cool to grow my own bananas....what other tropical plants are my favourite... oops..... pay attention"

".... Imagine where you see yourself living... Where in the world you would like to be.... What...

Ooh, where would I live if I could live anywhere (run through a dozen countries in my head).  If it was somewhere tropical I could grow bananas outside... I'd definitely pick somewhere tropical.... maybe...  I'd really like a fruit orchard, just a small one... Just think how good everything would taste right off the tree... Hmmmm where would I live? Actually, I think I'm supposed to be thinking of something else now.....

"blah blah blah"

I wonder why the blue light is being flashed into my right eye?   I wonder if it's because my left eye doesn't see as well or if it's supposed to have some neurological effect....  I wonder if it's like the binaural beats thing where it's supposed to induce specific brain waves to make your brain relax... Actually, the binaural beats do that much better, they just make noises, they don't make me think so much.... hmm... maybe if I squeeze my right eye shut tighter, I'll see what the left eye is supposed to see.... (tried it, eventually opened my left eye to see no colour there, felt relieved my left eye is not getting worse.... missed more of the guided stuff)

"Imagine you could go back in time and change something... What would you change?"

Right now?  Well, since the chiropractor has just tortured me by putting my rib into place using his 21st century rack because my muscles are unable to hold it there now and it seems to be pressing my scapula out of place, clearly the first thing that flashes into my head that I would like to change is that I would not have grabbed on when I slipped on the stairs... Actually, if I can change anything, I suppose it would be not falling at all.....

"Imagine what you would say differently, how you could take control of the situation and change it....

Ok.... Clearly not thinking about the right thing here....

"Imagine how you would replay that event in your head as a black and white movie, letting it go far into the past and letting go of it....

Well,  I've done this wrong.... (try to change my thoughts, realise it's too late and now the only image in my mind is watching myself fall downstairs on a black and white TV set... Which really takes on more of a slapstick effect than I think it it supposed to).... Oops.  Again... Pay attention....

"You are in control...

No I'm not, control is an illusion; nobody's in control, we just think we are until something happens and we realise we're not... Einstein said reality was an illusion... Stop thinking philosophically.... rein it in....  Try harder....

"You are in control of everything that is happening to you...

This is crap.

"You can make it all different by deciding you are going to take control of your situation, leaving the past behind you and moving on to the future you envision for yourself.... It is as simple as making that decision...

No it's not.  That's what I've been trying to do for nearly 2 bloody years now.... well, 8 actually if you count everything...  If it was that simple I'd be doing somersaults again.  Make a decision - go to uni, work hard, have surgery, work hard, go to physio, work hard - I've done that.... I've done that until I've cried and nearly passed out with pain.... I do my exercises every day, despite my pain.  I am TRYING to be in control but it's really not as simple as that.... Wouldn't it be great if it was....?  HOW is this helpful...??

"All your problems are behind you..."

Yeah, I really wish they were... But that's kind of why I'm here....

"You can move away from your problems, away from anything that is holding you back....

Well unless you've created some magic thing that lets my consciousness live outside my body right now, that's really not true....  I wonder why the flashing lights are getting faster.... I wonder what that's supposed to do.... it's very bright blue light, I thought that was supposed to wake you up, not soothe you.... I wonder if it's supposed to induce specific brain waves... I think it's delta waves that are supposed to calm you....I think that's what the Buddhist monks achieve through meditation... I must look that up....

"imagine yourself calm, relaxed, let go of any tension... (then two voices started speaking at once - that in itself is not calming.... one was talking about calming thoughts and the other one was talking about negative emotions)

This is weird, I wonder if I'm supposed to be paying attention to both... most people can't really listen to two things at once... I wonder if this is supposed to be subliminal... I remember watching old subliminal adverts before they were banned, I think that was at primary school... They were cool.....I wonder what voice  is supposed to be subliminal... Or maybe I'm meant to pick one to listen to....hmmm....  It also reminds me of that mobile phone advert that used to be on Classic FM before driving and using phones was banned at home.... oops, pay attention...

"If it is an appropriate time for sleep, you will feel yourself falling asleep, peacefully, with no stress and no problems...

It's the middle of the afternoon and I'm in a chiropractor's office... Am I supposed to fall asleep?  I'd rather fall asleep back on the hydrotherapy bed... It's amazing.  I wonder how much they cost... I wonder if you can rent them.... I must look that up too.... Ooops, again.... Pay attention....

"If this is not an appropriate time for sleep you will find yourself feeling awake, and lighter and free from the stress that surrounds you... Full of energy....

If I WAS supposed to fall asleep, wouldn't this wake me back up again... ?These seem very contradictory.... if it is subliminal and subconscious, how is my brain supposed to know what one to listen to.... Also, lighter and free from stress... I've just been told it's normal to be really sore after my adjustments and I generally feel beaten up afterwards...... Ok, it's finished... 

Well, that was a long 22 minutes...

So.... meditation + Gail = big failure! Although strangely I did sleep well that night.  I'm not sure if it had to do with the meditation, or the fact that I'd had 7 hours of sleep out of about 60 by that night....

I'm torn between two quotes here, I think they both apply.... one perhaps more meditation-y, the other definitely more fitting:

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”

 &

“This world is but a canvas to our imaginations.”

  ~ Henry David Thoreau