Wednesday, May 18, 2011

An ongoing battle

A couple of weeks ago my stomach started objecting to my antibiotics again and I have had to take a month off - lots of good tummy supplements and probiotics and it is feeling much better already.  I am a little disheartened by the reappearance of some older symptoms and also seemingly unbeatable insomnia (it is currently 4.25am).  My sleep - when I manage to scrape a few hours - feels unrefreshing again and during the day I am so tired.  I head to bed early, thinking surely I will sleep tonight and then.... here I am sitting typing this at 4.26am.

I see my Dr again at the end of the month and I do know that this is another blip in my long journey and that I will get over it and things will improve again but it just feels like such an ongoing battle at the moment.  Dealing with a bad week after feeling so much better is very difficult for me.  I have to reel in my thoughts before they run away from me. Sometimes keeping myself from getting carried away with worst-case scenarios seems as difficult as dealing with the healing process itself.

But, thinking rationally, I know that my journey has been more of a rollercoaster and dealing with the bad bits is a part of it.  The improvements will come again, and each time they are (usually) better.  And on the optimistic side, my bad weeks now are nothing like they were a few years ago, although it will be good when there are no bad weeks at all.... but really, does anyone get that?!

Thinking philosophically leads me to some appropriate quotes:

It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness
      - Seneca

To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping
      - Chinese Proverb

And I think perhaps my mantra for life:

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.  The important thing is not to stop questioning
     -  Albert Einstein

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