Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Back to blogging.......

Well, it's been a while. My lack of blog posts has been completely due to my lack of willingness to reflect on my life right now.  I am going to ease myself in gently and keep this short.... limit the risk! 

My shoulder is wrecked. 24 weeks ago today I slipped and I can't believe the amount of damage I did with what seemed like a very simple thing.  I am still in a huge amount of pain, I have a ridiculous tolerance to painkillers so nothing is really providing much relief.  And I don't really have any satisfying answers or solutions to the problem right now.  In short, the sports physio and sports injury/ shoulder specialist think that because of the flexibility and hypermobility I have in my shoulder I have done a massive amount of damage that would actually have been limited in a 'normal' (yes, that word was used!) person by the rotator cuff tearing. So I still have a very heavy arm - which is not supported by my muscles and tissues as they have all been overstretched - pulling on a fractured bone. Because of the healing time the joint is highly unstable.  So right now I am still hoping it is going to heal, but joint stabilization surgery is a worst case scenario.

I can't believe the impact the injury has had on me. Being in constant, at times (still often) severe, pain is exhausting and not being able to use my right arm is disabling.  I have gone from being almost back to normal, even if my pace was just a bit slower, to having to depend on other people again for so much.  I cannot put into words how frustrating this is for me... so I'm not even going to try right now.

My Lyme symptoms are still bubbling away beneath the surface, but I feel they are manageable now.  I know how to deal with them - when to fight them and when to give into the fatigue; but I do still feel like I am winning the Lyme fight.  And I do find more people seem to have heard of Lyme now, although most still don't really know very much about it.

My experience with my shoulder has been interesting in terms of the doctors I have seen and the advice I have received.  A shoulder surgeon took my medical history, told me this was "not like being told you have chronic fatigue syndrome when you have Lyme disease", barely examined me, implied I was a hypochondriac and told me I might just have to "learn to live with it".  Two days later I saw the sports/ ortho specialist who showed me the fracture on the MRI, thoroughly examined BOTH shoulders, said my flexibility had been a major factor and discussed conservative and surgical options with me. Same clinic, exact same room actually - and both (out of sheer desperation) private appointments.  It seems (to some doctors) a CFS or Lyme label just signifies a CRAZY stamp on my forehead.

That really just makes me want to educate people even moreso.  Can't wait until I have the energy for that....

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