I didn't, of course, expect to break my shoulder and have to add that in to the mix. That is life reminding me (as if I really needed reminding) that shit happens. So, while I am still battling those most stubborn little spirochete buggers, I am left doing it one armed!
In all seriousness, this has complicated things. I am more tired again. Pain is exhausting. I am back to relying on other people to do things for me and that is so frustrating in so many ways. Although it is because of a different injury, it is so difficult not to associate it with going backwards health-wise, in general.
Stopping my antibiotics was planned for December and Dr S said we should go ahead as planned... see how it goes. So I did. It took about three weeks for the symptoms to creep back up on me - an improvement from the last time I tried to stop them when the Lyme symptoms hit me full force in about two days! But after the giant hands returned to squeeze my brain inside my skull and I slept 17 hours one day, it seemed pretty obvious that now was not the time to stop them - I was not doing very well. The day I realised I was going to have to go back on the antibiotics, for an indefinite period of time, I cried. Mainly because it has now been seven years of being ill and I was really hoping I would be able to stop them and move on...... symbolically. But after thinking about it, this is fine by me. Really. When I look back over those seven years I was SO very ill and I have made such huge improvements. And if I have to take an antibiotic once a day it's really not the end of the world. I'd much rather get the benefits from that than suffer the alternative.
Anyway, I plan to stick to my new year's resolution. I have lots to write about - my shoulder injury, possible surgery in Kentucky USA; my Lyme doctor in the UK being called up before the GMC and no longer running his clinic (I only found out about this last week, I am shocked and saddened that Lyme in the UK is following the exact same path that Lyme in the US has done, several years later); various recent Lyme-related articles in UK mainstream media - the information isn't exactly great, but at least the word is beginning to get out there. So.... lots going on this year and hopefully lots going on in Lyme-world in the UK this year that will really help bring Lyme the attention it needs to that sufferers get the treatment and support they desperately require.
So.... a favourite quotation for a new year:
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”
~ Albert Einstein