Thursday, November 9, 2017

Perfectly Imperfect

November mindfulness: Day 4 - 'Perfectly imperfect'

Taken from my instagram post:
#mindfulnovember  #perfectlyimperfect  #day4  #mindfulness  #scar  #18staples  #scapularsurgery #scapularmuscledetachment  #shouldersurgery  #myscarmystory  #notoplasticsurgery  #bodyshaming  #lovetheskinyourein  #blogger  #outofthelymelight 


It wasn't difficult to think about what 'perfectly imperfect' made me think of - my scar.... obviously! Although this isn't exactly what I envisioned writing...

Scars are my battle wounds. From injury to surgeries & beyond, they are part of me; they remind me how strong I can be - they are a sign of strength and healing.  I blog to spread awareness of a rare injury; to show anyone can rise to life's challenges; to tell MY story; and hopefully, to help someone else.  Recently I posted images (see picture 4 below) following cupping treatment showing my scar, plus swelling & bruising, as well as a skin reaction to my PICC line dressing adhesive (for Lyme disease IV treatment).   

A plastic surgeon commented under my photo - maybe I would be interested in her 'regime' (which from her instagram page seems to be plastic surgery and botox). My first thought was why is a random doctor commenting on this? Occasionally I've had comments or mesages/ emails specific to my surgery (it remains, over 5 years later, relatively unknown in the world of medicine), but this was different.  I did look on her instagram page - it's filled with very stereotypical photographs and commentaries of facelifts, botox and 'we can 'fix' you'-type stuff. I did not look further on her website, as suggested - I'm not interested, but the bigger implication was: this imperfection could be fixed

Not something I have ever thought about, looked for, inquired about, written about, etc.

I'll admit this hit hard.  I have never hesitated in sharing my photos, or talking about my surgery; and I have built relationships and networks with other patients who have contacted me over the past few years. Suddenly I glimpsed it from a different perspective. Why? Does this doctor think I should hide my scars? Is it appropriate for doctors to target other women (or anyone?!) on social media?  Is it ethical? Is 'scar shaming' a thing I've naively avoided thus far? In that initial moment I was stunned: shocked, then quickly I felt angry.  Have I been cyberbullied by a doctor?  I am not ashamed - I blog and post photos of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Reality.  I don't intend to change that.
   

2012-2013
Pre-surgery -> healing over 1 year
(Bottom left, 2014, pre-surgery number 2)


October 2017: post-cupping therapy
October 2017: 1 day after cupping therapy
Can you see my scar?
Can you see my symmetrical scapulae?
I.e. the visible evidence of successful surgery...


Collage from instagram with plastic surgeon's 'innocuous' comment





It's not blatantly nasty, but after looking at the instagram page (with no interest in browsing her website), it's very difficult to draw a different conclusion.  I decided not to reply.  Now, my instagram post, and this expanded blog post is my reply.  It's not a reply to the doctor, it's my reply to anyone with the mindset that any part of the body is imperfect and needs to be 'fixed'.

I was just going to ignore it until I stumbled across this Buzzfeed article about actress Sarah Hyland ('Haley' from Modern Family) the following week. She has a health issue and a magazine published an article speculating she had plastic surgery.  Buzzfeed relayed her response (via twitter) to the magazine where she (rightly) raged at doctors speculating over her 'potential surgeries' and made clear the 'changes to her face' they were commenting on (there's another controversial topic on its own.... how about people just stop doing that?) were the result of "life saving medication".  (I don't usually read celebrity news/ gossip, but apparently she has suffered with kidney disease since childhood and it was not 'new information'.)  The timing was serendipitous.


I may not be famous, I may not have much 'reach' with my comments or my blog; but I think it is every bit as important for anyone, whether targeted publicly or quietly, like this, to stand up and say this is NOT OK.  If one person reads this and takes away that message, then it is worth saying. 

And, FYI, my scar looks fucking awesome. My PT says it looks just like a plastic surgeon did it. 😏

31 Dec 2014: Shoulder surgery 2 - capsular release

March 2012:  <2 weeks post surgery
End of March 2012: 1 month post-surgery

Incision healing progress March 2012 -> March 2013


   "The scar meant that I was stronger than 
what had tried to hurt me." 
~ Anaïs Nin ~


2 comments:

  1. My guess is she's trolling posts looking for business. I'd let that comment go. Your scar is fabulous and seeing your twin perfectly matched scaps (I'm envious, by the way), your skeleton is restored to perfection.

    ~H.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I did think that... wrong in so many ways. I think it could have a bigger/ different impact on some people, especially (although not exclusively) young women/ girls, or anyone thinking they have to 'fit in'. We are supposed to be inclusive & promote acceptance of every (healthy) body type - including accepting disabilities; and trying to create a healthier perspective on body image - what a confused message our culture perpetuates.

      I think the combo of the potential implications that comment could have; plus a crass article analysing how an actress' face has changed from age 16 to 26 (I didn't read the actual article, only the Buzzfeed one I linked to & the actress' twitter posts) instead of focusing on how much a 20-something has achieved, despite serious health issues really disgusted me. What a truly horrible message it sends.

      And thank you... although 'perfection' is definitely pushing it, I think that's my scapula's good selfie angle 😂😂😂 - I still say if the inside felt better & the scar was Frankenstein-esque, it would be preferable! (And I'd still show it proudly!) But it IS 'in position' - now for the muscles & nerves to sort themselves out. "Healing"... deliberately present tense - hopefully it keeps going in the right direction! For both of us! 💓

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