Since my Feldenkrais appointment, everything feels different. Twisted... except that probably mean untwisted, because I was so twisted before. My LEFT side of my neck is agony; holding my head up on its own is just exhausting. I am back to my neck support collar - not exactly happy to be using it again, but trying to focus on where this might be heading.
I actually had very similar pain to this after my surgery, after I had the sling off, my neck struggled to support my head on its own. The left side would spasm and I would end up with pain right up into my ear, and migraine-type pain on the left side. I am convinced my entire body is doing something similar, so the other side has compensated and developed a way to hold my head up and use the neck muscles it can. Now, I am being 'reset' as such, so it does make sense to me that it is going to take time, and it has to go through this kind of progress. These are the muscles Dr Kibler told me were "starting from before scratch". So, it feels bad and has been making me so so tired this week, plus my head has not stopped pounding, so anything involving too much concentration seems to have been OUT.
I've slept a lot, gone out a little bit (although, as always - mostly to physio!) but mainly just tried to do my at-home exercises and rest my head as much as I can.
I've been trying to learn about Feldenkrais, and it just seems to me, right now, to be something that is very difficult to explain, without further sessions. It's basically an increased mind-body awareness and I hope that will help my brain reconnect with my injured muscles faster. It makes me think of this:
It's always one that comes back to me, especially with my experience of doctors - with both my shoulder and my Lyme problems. There are doctors, the majority, it often seems, who are so convinced that they know everything, therefore if they don't know what's wrong with you, you have to be making it up, or exaggerating. It's ridiculous.
So, right now, I feel that I do not understand Feldeskrais at all. But I don't think I have to, right now. For some reason - I'm going with intuition again! - it sits well with me; it makes sense to me; and also Marty thinks it's a great idea. So I am definitely going to do the intensive course in March.
“He who thinks himself wise, O heavens! is a great fool”