Friday, January 4, 2013

A dream within a dream

Since I hurt my shoulder I have lots of dreams where I am trying to do gymnastics, usually on a trampoline but I can't bounce high enough because I can't use my arms properly to get any height.

It's a logical (well, to my mind) progression from the dreams I had when I was very ill with Lyme and my legs were so sore and heavy.  Then, I would dream I was trying to somersault - again, usually on a trampoline, sometimes a tumble track - but my legs just didn't have enough power so I couldn't get any height and would constantly land on my knees.  In my dreams I would just constantly somi-somi-somi-somi and land on my knees; over and over and over again.  I suppose it was a subconscious expression of my waking frustration.

I have very vivid dreams, which I generally enjoy, so I suppose it makes perfect sense that my physical experiences cross over into my subconscious when I'm asleep.

At the same time, despite being constantly exhausted and having so little energy, one of Lyme's cruel paradoxes is the insomnia it brings.  With my shoulder pain, the added impossibility of getting truly comfortable - and my very strange contrary reactions to some drugs that are supposed to have sedative properties - means I am truly an insomniac.  It takes me hours to fall asleep, my body has no idea what time zone it is supposed to be on, and since I don't seem to fit with the time zone on this side of the world, my doctor's advice is to move to Tahiti, which sounds great.

And when I do eventually fall asleep, it is sheer bliss because it means my painkillers are working, my body relaxes and (usually) my pain fades... along with the 'real world'.

I've always loved this song, but paying close attention to the lyrics makes it appropriate in so many ways just now:

Owl City - Fireflies

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
(When I fall asleep)

   *          *           *           *          *          *

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep…

   *          *          *          *          *          *

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

(Again: I don't own any music/ videos etc. All linked to Youtube and artists accredited)

And to top it off perfectly, this song and all my thoughts make me think of two of my very favourite quotes by Poe, also my favourite poet.

They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. 
~ Edgar Allan Poe 


“Is all that we see or seem,
But a dream within a dream”
~ Edgar Allan Poe

Also, always good to have another one that always reminds me it's good to look at things from a different perspective:

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”
~ Edgar Allan Poe

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