I had a physio appointment, my physio was very careful not to push things very much today given the pain I have had since Thursday's appointment. We talked about the pros and cons of getting the extra movement with the increased muscle relaxants - good to get the movement, but bad to have the lasting pain. These conversations always just go round in circles - I need the movement to build the strength and stretch the muscles to ease the pain, but the movement causes so much pain and traps me in this pain cycle which is (obviously) not good; and I can't get the increased movement without the pain.... etc.
I had a doctor's appointment afterwards and he cast an entirely different perspective on it which has given me lots to think about, and still no definite answers, but was much more positive. He said he thinks Thursday was not a disaster (my view at that moment in time) but it was actually a success! I had managed to find a combination of drugs that made my therapy session feel a bit easier, get a better range of motion (and there are measurements to prove that) and these things are good - now we just have to figure out how to deal with the "cool down" from the exercise, as he called it - i.e. what crazy combination of drugs will I have to take so I don't get such harsh kickback pain-wise.
It makes sense. It's not ideal, I certainly don't want to be taking lots of strong drugs indefinitely (when I started the strong painkillers a year ago I never thought I'd still need them now) BUT, if it means a short period of using the drugs to break the movement-pain cycle above and to 'reset' my body's response to it, then it might just be the thing that helps.
And given there aren't really any set protocols for this (yes that's just another way of saying I'm a freak... unique... a medical anomaly... I've been called many things this year!) I just have to try things out, find something that works and go with it.
So that's the plan. I'm dreaming and wishing...
Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
(I LOVE this version. It's awesome!)
Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of once in a lullaby -ii -iii
Oh somewhere over the rainbow,
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true -oo- ooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me -ee-ee
Where trouble melts like lemon drops,
High above the chimney tops,
That's where you'll find me
Oh somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly
And the dream that you dare to why, oh why, can't I? -ii-iii
(Again: I don't own any music/ videos etc. All linked to Youtube and artists accredited)
Today's quote applies generally to the way I think. It always makes me think of a conversation I had with my Dad about flying cars where he said it would never happen and I was being ridiculous but I had all the rules in my head - like the rules that apply on water when driving a boat, but in the sky; projected traffic lights; technology unimaginable right now; and Dad - still (many years later) maintains it's crazy. Earlier this year - for some reason - I had a similar conversation with my physio, about flying cars. He wondered what would happen with tunnels that go through mountains, there would have to be a rule for that. Same wavelength... I guess it's why I don't really hate him for torturing me every week.... In all honesty, I think he's fantastic.
"You see things; you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?"
— George Bernard Shaw