How I used to be

We are all shaped by our experiences.  It is impossible to escape the fact that we are all products of our own environments - affected by everything and everyone we encounter; by everything that happens to us; and by everything we see, read, absorb in any way.

How we cope with things, how we deal with problems, how we deal with other people - everything that happens in our lives sometimes feels so out of our own control... when you truly sit down and think about it, why do we even think the things we do?  Is anything really a part of our own consciousness, or is everything affected by something external?

Who knows.

Somewhere, I suppose we have to have something internal, something that makes us 'us'; our very consciousness, or soul, or whatever personal beliefs we might have that attribute some sort of name to the very essence of our being.  Does that make us react differently, to different things?  Does it make some of us fighters?  Does it make some people strong and other people weak?  Some responsible and sensible; others carefree? I don't suppose any existential wonderings on a short blog are going to answer any of the big philosophical questions of humanity... But the question running around my head all the time now is: who would I be if this hadn't all happened to me?  Would I be an entirely different person?  Would I be how I used to be?

And the even bigger question: would I want that?

It's impossible to answer, so it's not really worth wondering too much about; but seeing things from an entirely different perspective is nothing if it is not, at the very least, eye-opening.

"Unwell"

Matchbox 20

All day staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown

And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be...me

  *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *

Yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be

Well, I'm just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

I'm just a little unwell

(Again: I don't own any music/ videos etc. All linked to Youtube and artists accredited)

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”

~ Henry David Thoreau