Friday, January 18, 2013

The Journey

Today's thoughts are really taking up from where I left off yesterday, with the idea that life is all about the journey.  Everyone faces challenges in their lives and everyone deals with them differently, but ultimately our experiences, and how we deal with them, are what shape us and make us into the people we are.

Having conversations with people who have been extremely ill - at any age, but especially at a young age - is entirely different from having conversations with 'normal' people.  Normal people think you can make plans, write them in your diary, and they happen.  Normal people make life plans; their experiences give them confidence in their ability to make these plans happen and they have no reason to believe otherwise.  When it is difficult to make plans, because you have no idea if you will be able to keep those plans, it becomes very difficult to trust in the future at all; to believe that plans will happen.  In some ways, I feel like I have achieved some sort of weird zen - living in the moment, just taking each day as it comes and dealing with things that way.  But it's kind of difficult to explain, and it's definitely not viewed as 'normal'!

One of the hardest things about experiencing any kind of life disrupting illness or injury - something that throws your life so far off track that you might as well be racing around on another planet is trying to explain any part of that to your peers.  Friends can be the most empathetic, sympathetic, wonderfully supportive people; but the only people who truly understand it are people who have also experienced it.

In some cases, it is impossible for friends and family to genuinely understand and accept that these things are simply not something that can be controlled.  Friendships dissipate, people drift apart, causing hurt and feelings of rejection.  In other cases friendships become solidified by unbreakable bonds, held together by the glue of true acceptance, trust, loyalty... and a little bit of magic.

I consider myself very lucky to have a few of those very special people in my life.  And while the journey can be painful, the reward is wonderful.

Today I've decided to choose some lyrics from one of my very favourite songs, Drops of Jupiter by Train.  It's really a love song, but I think it has a bigger meaning that relates to a journey of self discovery.  In some ways, I feel like my journey through most of the last decade of my life has been like being catapulted into space, just experiencing an entirely different reality than I could ever have imagined.

Sometimes it feels like I just have a completely different perspective on everything - and I'm ok with that, it's what makes me who I am now.  I suppose, without any choice in the matter, I have, metaphorically, sailed through space... the universe... well, my universe... and realised that sometimes, having a completely different perspective on things just makes life a bit more interesting.

"Drops Of Jupiter"

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey 

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated 

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there 

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey 

  *       *       *        *       *       *       *

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there 

  *       *       *       *       *       *       *

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way 

(Again: I don't own any music/ videos etc. All linked to Youtube and artists accredited)

This song also reminds me of my first summer working at Camp Robindel, so not only does it have so much meaning for me, but it brings back such great memories and makes me think of many special friends.

“You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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